Manowar - Gods of War
Label: Magic Circle Music
Released: 2007
Grade: E (for Epic!)
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Manowar albums are not merely the epic tales of Heavy Metal and "Powers of the Universe" that you might of thought. True, they are great epic visions born from the mouths and minds of heavy metal's greatest prophets: Eric Adams, Joey DeMaio and Scott Columbus. But they are so much more, too. They are bombastic decelerations of faith in the power of the mythos of Manowar. It feels disingenuous to review their latest masterpiece, Gods of War, by simply recounting the highs and lows of the album's fifteen tracks. After all, did Manowar simply write a new album and perform it? No! Surely they sacrificed seventy virgins, killed the emperor of ambiguous evil, and slew twenty dragons in order to produce this cultural artifact. How can I recount their praises without using iambic pentameter? Who would I be! What heresy would I produce!
Instead, I shall review each track using iambic couplets and Beowulf references. Following that, I will jump off a large cliff, smash into the rocks below, and be reborn as a Phoenix. From there, I will fly throughout the land of the living and the dead, and recount of the cycles and stories of the brave soldiers of Manowar. It is only fitting that during this recounting, I will constantly interrupt myself to declare Manowar's praises. For how can I speak of them, and not burst into spontaneous affirmations of their greatness?
1. Gods of War -
Oh, Odin's Children! Your power is might!
I follow Battle Cries into the night!
2. Overture to the Hymn of the Immortal Warriors -
A quiet beginning, then: Choral Joy,
Your hymns, like psalms, fortify my heart. Oy.
3. King of Kings -
Oh, Great Beast...
Oh, fuck. Forget it. Tell me, is there really any need for fifteen tracks of war, battle, and heavy metal imagery necessary? If you liked the older albums ("Black, Wind, Fire and Steel") then you'll likely like this as well. If your threshold for absurd references to Kings, Odin, Loki and metallic 1980s riffs is high, you might be able to get half-way through this album. But like everything else associated with Manowar, it's designed to utterly consume your soul. The music itself is aggressively overwhelming. If giving you a headache is akin to cutting through the "demon-spawn!" then the album does an excellent job of making you feel like one of Manowar's victims. (By the way, every quoted lyric from Manowar should end with an exclamation point, since every line they sing - except their ballads around the feast-tables of yore - end with a shriek best represented by that punctuation.)
Choice Lyrics:
"Son of Giants was across the sky! / To the gods a friend! / the beast and man! / the falconry divide! / far across the side! / to take the hammer of Thor, his friend! / He lives between the worlds! / The worlds of God and men! / He is the God of fire! / Burning higher! / God of fire! / Burn into the sky!" ("Loki God of Fire")
"His sacred blood mixed with black wind and rain! Wept down from the world tree! Deep! Into the earth! He commanded the Earth! To crack open! And to spew forth the Strongest of the Strong!" ("The Blood of Odin")
Here's an idea. Next time you're playing Dungeons and Dragons, and need good campaign music, rev up Manowar. Your epic battles will seem far more epic! Even your music reviews, after listening to Manowar, seem to have the ALMIGHTY tinge of GREAT Loki! Swords Drawn! Odin's POWER! Heavy Metal! when you review Manowar. It transforms everything it touches... into EARTH STEEL!
by Mordechai Shinefield